I love set-backs.
Set-backs are the times when I actually get to realize how strong I truly am- emotionally and mentally. And there are times when these setbacks are created by someone who’s supposed to get you off setbacks.
I often find myself diluted and in a rut when there are external things taking over me. And THAT is one single thing I hate. I truly hate when something/someone dictates my emotions and my day becomes completely operational based on the emotions imparted to me due to the circumstances.
At the moment, when something crap happens, often times, not only me, everybody starts hating the world. Often times, it gives us a feeling like the whole world is against us and we tend to enter this cocoon- which is so highly unproductive and dark. We not only lose self-esteem but also become a part of that percentage who waste their entire day over-thinking, blaming others and the most dangerous- blaming themselves.
Alright, lemme tell you what the people around you are best at. Ready? Here: complaining, blaming, making fake-promises and expectations, TEARING YOU APART. Hell yeah, sure that I have super awesome motivating people around me like my parents and my best friends but the far majority people getting into my life are full of crap. A few are really close to me, YET, they become the number one reason why I feel so down or unproductive at times. Has this ever happened to you? I’m sure it has. And if it hasn’t, you just don’t wanna realize this yet- because you love that individual so much and you’re scared of losing that person- the truth is, you’ve started on a process of losing yourself.
This gal from Mumbai DM’d me on my Instagram a month back. I’d keep off from telling who she was but she was someone who followed me back since I had a YouTube channel and I helped her out through commenting back on one of my videos – which I don’t remember doing at all. She told me that she was in a rut due to her boyfriend demanding time and she wanted to continue her hustle but stuff just wouldn’t let her do. She was so devastated by the fact that she would have to either leave her hustle for her boyfriend or vice-versa. What she exactly expected from me is to help her choose. As contrary as is may sound, here’s exactly what I replied her back.
“Hey, awesome seeing you in the DMs and so fascinated to know how long you’ve been following me for. Just had a look at your business page on Instagram and I’m so fascinated to see your hustle. Before anything, I’d like to ask you about what you actually do and tell me about your business”
*stuff gets really interesting* I really didn’t give a damn about what her business was about or how much she was making from it but one thing that grabbed my complete attention was by seeing how joyful and passionate she was in her words. Then I asked her about how are things going with that boy. And oh boy, the silence dropped. She would not reply until 5 minutes have gone. She texts back, “fine” and I knew it completely wasn’t. Here’s what I replied back to her-
“Hey, listen up. I love your hustle. I love what you’re doing with all the website and the Instagram account but why do you think you should leave this? You sure need to give appropriate time to relationships but if the other person does not want to help you balance stuff, you’re better off good! I’m no relationship expert but it’s just so simple. Coming from you, I can clearly see how passionate you are about your business and vision. And there is just no reason to drop your passion because of one’s opinion on it. If he says that the thing isn’t gonna work and it’s a waste of time, it’s just that he hasn’t got the vision and sometimes you HAVE TO leave behind people to obey your vision and purpose of life. He might be true though, your idea might really suck but I don’t think you should be getting off the hook just because he’s that SINGLE person who says it won’t work. You gotta take hard steps for yourself, darling. Things happen for the good. It’s high time you prioritize and take action on the same. It’ll be okay, just choose wisely and what you truly think is worth your effort. If you’re happy hanging out with the boyfriend, choose him. If you can’t live without the hustle, choose that. If both, then you gotta have an open clear-through conversation about it and you gotta explain to him about how much your vision really means to you and how it can change both of your lives for the better. Wish you luck and love in everything you do, text me back”
She texted me back 3 days later telling me that things have been better and he’s happy with an appropriate schedule.
This, above, was one scenario where things went well. Unfortunately, most of the times, this is not the case. There are set-backs every time you think life is working out. The moment you realize everything is going well, there’s something or the other that comes up that tells you “it’s not”. And in those setbacks, no one is really around you. Not your friends, not your girlfriend, not your boyfriend, not your parents. Rather, maybe these group of people IS/ARE the reason why you’re having a setback.
In the middle of all this, or rather in-front, is this one awesome person you often neglect. This one person can solve anything that hits him/her. Wanna know who?
It’s the man/woman in the mirror.
Ever wondered why you look up to your best friend or your parents or your girl for the solution to your problems? Well, that’s because you love them the most. Imagine losing all these groups. Who’s left? YOU. And as obvious as it may sound now, for yourself to give you answers to your problems, you gotta love yourself. You gotta treat yourself better before treating anyone else good. You have to buy yourself a thing before you gift it to them. If you’re happy in life and if you spoil yourself with self-love, things can roll real good.
Here are a few ways to start with. I often tend to do a few of these (especially #1) whenever I think its a setback. It might be a little brawl that’s gonna affect my whole day if not treated at the right time, or it might just be a reward that I’m giving myself after reaching a certain set goal. It can be anything you like but what I’m trying to get across is, you gotta love yourself before you handle life the wrong way. Solutions come when you’re happy. Solutions hit when you’re calm and stable. You got no shot at anything if you’re pissed at something for the whole day. That’s being unproductive as fuck. Now when you act this way, you’re gonna be told- what a heartless person, he doesn’t care at all, he’s got no feelings. Well, the answer to all those questions is, “You’re mature enough to realize that your day is equally important and no one has got say in what you do with it. You own your ship (your day) and your run it- based on your understanding and intuition, not on the basis of what they say. Here’s what I find myself doing in such situations- (maybe you can try too)
1. Get yourself some Coffee– I’m not talking in-house or mommy hands coffee friends, I’m talking some serious shit like a Devil’s Own at Cafe Coffee Day. Wanna go budget? Try out a new nearby cafe. Most cafes have awesome coffees starting from Rs. 50. And make sure to be alone- you need time with yourself and not another person who can illusion-ate you into being a “good friend”.
Oh and by the way, I’m writing this as I’m having a Devil’s Own at CCD. Although my first favorite has to be Cafe Caramella at Costa Coffee. If not that, then the Hazelnut. Americano is a lifesaver though. I’m sorry, love myself when I’m with coffee- you need exactly something like this. Saw how I deviated from the entire theme? (coffee suggestions any day, dm)
2. Go out for a movie– I discovered this back in 10th grade when I kept nagging my cousins and friends to go for a movie with me. For no reason, I just didn’t wanna go alone. Not that I couldn’t but I was so used to having someone always by my side that it became weird with my own self when I was alone (THIS IS A LOSER MOVE). One day I gathered the courage and gone through it all myself. That wasn’t only the best movie of my life, but I also ended up having lunch alone, followed by an ice-cream and a long drive back home. You gotta try doing things alone, I promise you’ll love it. Oops, let me rephrase, I’m sure you’ll love yourself.*
3. Get an evening walk while listening to your favorite artist- Can’t tell you how awesome it feels to get that blood flowing through your veins and your favorite Eminem track blasting in your ears as you get that air and run.
4. Talk to an elder- My grandparents always have something to tell me. It might be the same thing they told you last time but- it feels good not only for a change, also you’re loved so much when you’re around them. You just are.
5. SHOPPING- I am NOT a shopping guy but when I’m pissed at my day or feel like spending money, I buy like crazy. Of course, I keep account of my limits but shopping and gifting “physical” things to yourself is a great way to boost it up. Trust me, even some cheap cool graphic tees work. (and ahem, followed by a coffee)
Here were a few of my favorites. As a matter of fact, something going on really inspired me to write this. And I guess this is exactly why I’m kind of happy pouring out my thoughts and the coffee in my mouth. Today was pretty much a dead day but well, loving myself gave me the best of it.
Be high on loving yourself the most.